Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Valentines Day is Around the Corner

When out shopping for a card, for that "Special Someone", you might want to by-pass this group and leave them on the shelf........

Love may be beautiful, Love may be bliss.
But I only slept with you, because I was pi$$ed.
I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, Violet's are Blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the Roses are wilting,
and the Violet's are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty,
and so is your head.

Of loving beauty, you float with grace,
Now if only you could hide that face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describe's everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eye's
Damn, I'm good at telling these lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face whenever I am dreaming,
That's why, dear, I wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away,
What the hell did you step in to smell that way.

My feeling's for you, no word's can tell,
Except, for maybe, "Go to Hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme ?
Two part's Vodka......one part Lime.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!






Thingz to Say to a Cop......ONCE


When the officer say's,"Gee son....your eye's
look red, been drinking?"

You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee officer, your eye's look glazed, have you been eating doughnut's?"

Or say....

"I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around... That's how far ahead of me they are!"

"Do you know why you pulled me over ?
Okay, just so one of us does!"

"I pay your salary!"

"Gee officer....that's terrific ! The last officer
only gave me a warning too!"

"You're not going to check the trunk, are you?"
"I thought you had to be in relatively good
physical condition to be a police officer."

"Are you Andy or Barney ?"

"Hey...You must have been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!"

"Aren't you the guy from the Village People?"

"Sorry officer, i didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in!" .....

And never say.....


"Hey.... I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer!"

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Great Diner!!

[willie33]

POWER SKIPPING?



THE MOTORBIKE THAT RECLINES





AWESOME SANDCASTLE



PUG PARTY

[IceWizard]

Willie!!... That freakin sandcastle was amazing!! Thanks for the share...

It musta took you the better part of the day to put that beast together!!....

Ice

[Popster]

Could you please post the videos of your beach dives

Love this thread! Willie, the one where the guy loses his pants in the ocean...it has happened to me a few times...lol

---

Don't go near the water........

   

[willie33]

HOW TO SCARE STRANGERS





WHEN ART MEETS REALITY

[IceWizard]

That "train" pic was bada$$ed... Like I've said before... I can't even draw 2 stick figures that even look alike!

Thanks Willie...

Ice

[IceWizard]

 
 ARAPROSDOKIANS

(figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected.)

Winston Churchill loved them.



Some examples:

1.   Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

2.   Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

3.   If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

4.   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

5    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

6.   They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

7.   To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism.  To steal from many is called research.

8.   In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify:  I put 'DOCTOR.'

9.    I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10.   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.

11.   Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

12.   A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.

13.   I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not so sure.

14.   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Nor is there any future in it.

15.   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

16.   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

17.   Finally: I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

And my personal favorite: I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.

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[center]"My Proudest Accomplishment"[/center]
[center] [/center]
[center][/center]
[center] [/center]
[center]Quote of the day.   No ... of the week! Wait!   Make that a month.   Actually, it qualifies as quote of the year.
No!  DECADE. Wait a minute.  It's the greatest quote EVER!

"My accomplishments as Secretary of State? Well, I'm glad you asked! My proudest accomplishment in which I take the most pride, mostly because of the opposition it faced early on, you know… the remnants of prior situations and mind-sets that were too narrowly focused in a manner whereby they may have overlooked the bigger picture, and we didn't do that, and I'm proud of that. Very proud. I would say that's A major accomplishment."

- Hillary Clinton 11 March 2014

Could someone please tell me what she just said?[/center][/quote]

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Read it carefully. She said,

"Absoultely Nothing" and basically meant:



[center][/center]

[Popster]

Ice.....yogi berra made up a lot of those ARAPROSDOKIANS.....One I like is...

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

[Popster]

good for a smile...........go Sonic go......

   

[Linville]