Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Ok I know.... But I've got some catchin up to do ... lol


Changing the ole Lightbulb?

Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one - but the light bulb really has to want to change.

Q. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

Q. How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

A1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

A2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

A3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

A4. Rottweiler:
Make me.

A5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

A6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

A7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I lead these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

A8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

A9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.

A10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

A11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

A12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

A13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

A14. New Zealand Sheep Dog:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little cluster...

A15. Toy Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer:
"Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:
How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"


ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN...

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Hey .... Is that the latest new I-Phone there?







 
My eyes must be going 'cuz I can't really tell...

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20 things you should never say to a cop when he pulls you over!


1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar
detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the village people?

4. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

5. I thought you had to be in relatively good
physical shape to be a police officer.

6. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to
finish high school instead.

7. Bad cop. No donuts.

8. You're not going to check the trunk, are
you?

9. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

10. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

11. Is it true that people become cops
because they are too dumb to work at
McDonalds?

12. I pay your salary

13. So uh, you on the take or what?

14. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer
only gave me a warning.

15. Do you know why you pulled me over?
Okay, just so one of us does.

16. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I
know there is no other cars around, that's
how far they are ahead of me.

17. What do you mean have I been drinking?
You are the trained specialist?

18. Well, when I reached down to pick up my
bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and
got lodged between the brake and the gas
pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

19. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing
compared to this 44 magnum.

20. Hey, can you give me another one of
those full cavity searches?