Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A Priest was being honored at his
retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

"Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it.

He had stolen money from his parents;
embezzled from his employer; had an affair
with his bosss wife; had sex with his bosss
17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister in-law.

I was appalled that one person could do so
many awful things. But as the days went on,
I learned that my people were not all like
that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish
full of good and loving people."

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being
late.

He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:

"I'll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived", said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."



***************************


Lone Ranger gets captured....

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, YOU are
the great Lone Ranger" ... "In honor of the
Harvest Festival, You will be executed in
three days." "Before I kill you, I grant you
three requests" "What is your FIRST request???'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a
beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the
Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the
Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.

"You have a very fine and loyal horse", "But I will still kill you in two days." "What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde. She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is
again impressed. "You are indeed a man of
many talents," "But I will still kill you
tomorrow." "What is your LAST request ???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs
Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the
eye and says,

"Listen Very Carefully You Stupid Horse!!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME ...I
SAID ...."BRING POSSE!!"