Humorous Smilies

[Spanky]

Now .... A Few for the Ladies

Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.


Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slag.


Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
A. They don’t have time.


Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. They don’t stop and ask for directions.


Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.


Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.


Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.


Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.


Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don’t know; it has never happened.


Q. What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
A. Lazy.

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Look at the picture first, and then read the text:
 

This actually happened to this Englishman in France who was totally drunk.


A French policeman stopped the Englishman's car and asked if he had been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admitted that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married that morning, and that he drank champagne and  a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malt scotches thereafter.  
 
Quite upset, the policeman proceeded to alcohol-test (breath test) the Englishman and verified that he was indeed totally sloshed.
 
then the cop asked the Englishman if he knew why, under French Law, he was going to be arrested.

The Englishman answered with a bit of humor,

"No sir, I do not!  But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is a British car and that my wife is driving on the other side?"

Thank you and please drive through....

Good ones Ice Wizard,

What do toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They are both trying to wipe the Klingons from Uranus.