Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

I am so confused. I don't know how I got this way.

I used to think I was just a regular guy, but…

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not,
makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative,
which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which, according to gay folks,
now makes me a homophobe.

I am a Christian,
which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment,
which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.

I am retired,
which makes me a useless old man.

I think and I reason,
therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me,
which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture,
which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and
I appreciate the police and the legal system,
which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play,
and fair compensation according to each individual's merits,
which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I (and most of the folks I know),
acquired a fair education without student loans (it’s called work)
and no debt at graduation,
which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection
of the homeland for and by all citizens,
which now makes me a militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me…
because I‘m just not sure who I am anymore!

I would like to thank all my friends for sticking
with me through these abrupt,
new found changes in my life and my thinking!
I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

As if all this wasn’t enough to deal with…
I’m now afraid to go into either restroom