Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Shorts #01



Girl in the Bar



I got chatting with a girl in a bar last night,

"Can I buy you a drink?"
I asked.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"
she replied,
"Guys like you always have girlfriends."

"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago."
I assured her.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that,"
she said,
"Go on then, I'll have a Cider please."

A few drinks later after a kiss
and a cuddle we headed off back
to her place and made passionate love.

While I was putting my clothes back on,

She said,
"So, you're good looking, a nice guy and
amazing in bed,
can I ask why on earth you split
with your girlfriend?"

I said,
"My wife found out."



*****

25th
Wedding Anniversary



A couple celebrate their 25th
wedding anniversary by staying at a hotel.

They walk up to the front desk to check-in.


Receptionist,
"Hello, how can I help you?"

The husband holding his wife's hand,
"I would like your most beautiful room please."

Receptionist,
"Sure! For how long would you like to stay?"

The Husband,
"1 night please."

Receptionist,
"One whole night?!"

The receptionist looks and smiles
at the wife and says,
"Wow, you are lucky!
Usually this man only books for an hour!"



(and that's when the fight started)



*****


Terrorist

At New York's Kennedy Airport today,
an individual later discovered to be a
public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in
possession of a ruler, a protractor,
a set square and a calculator.
Authorities believe he is a member of
the notorious al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with
carrying weapons of math instruction.

---

Shorts #02



A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender asks him,
"So, what have you been up to lately?"

"Well, I recently set up a dating website for chickens,"
the guy tells him.

"I mean, its not my main job ...
I'm just doing it to make hens meet."


*****

Last night I slept like a baby.
Pooped my pants and woke up crying.


*****

What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa?
The Polar bear.

*****

What is the opposite of a croissant?
A happy uncle.


*****

Have you seen the movie:
“Constipated”?

No?
Well, it hasn’t come out yet


*****

Where is the best place to go if you want to watch people
with art degrees while they're working?
Wal-mart



*****

How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A Buccaneer


*****



THIS JUST IN:

It's been reported that somebody made a hole in
the fence surrounding the nudist colony.

Police are looking into it .



*****


Why did Canada the leper hockey league?
There were too many faces off.


*****

Why do Canadians do it doggy-style?
So they both can watch the hockey game.