Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman
“Have you got any bread”

Barman:
“No sorry”

Duck:
“Have you got any bread”

Barman: “NO”

Duck:
”Have you got any bread”

Barman:
“Look I haven’t got any bread and if you ask again
I’m gonna nail your beak to the bar”

Duck:
“Got any nails?”

Barman:
“No”

Duck:
"Got any bread?”



**********



A Few Texas Facts


You see more Texas flags than American flags.

You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.

You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries
.
You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

You dress up to go shopping at the mall.

You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree.

You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.

You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken.

You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.

You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is.

You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud

Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department

You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents

You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of
fine wine.

You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, Bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen.

You refer to the Dallas Cowboys as "God's favorite football team"

You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon
as they open their mouth.

You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans.

Your Pastor wears boots.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

Roadrunners don't say Beep Beep

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no ones seen before.

Possums will eat anything.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around their house.

You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle, they do get stuck.

The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct. 2 until June 25, then it stops totally until Oct 2.

Once'd and Twice'd are good words.

It is not a shopping cart it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

Graduating 1st in your class means you left in the 8th grade.

Coldbeer actually is one word.

People really grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate
in the middle of the night.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, its time to go to the doctor.

Fixinto is one word.

The word dinner is confusing. There's only lunch and then there's supper.

Backard's and forard's means I know everything about you.

Jeeet? is actually a phrase meaning Did you eat?

You work until you're done or its too dark to see.

You measure distance in minutes.

You've had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.