Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

A bloke, who had been digging holes in the street all day,
was feeling a little hot and sweaty to say the least.

He walked into a chemist shop, and asked the young lady sales assistant
for a can of deodorant, from the shelf behind her.

"Ball type?" she enquired.

Bloke: "No underarm please, dear".


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I friend of mine got fired from his job because he kept asking the
customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-smoking".
Apparently, the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".


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A friend of mine joined this group of witches.

First of all, he was confused as he just took a bunch of food to the beach
and looked at the sea. When the sea was a bit rough, the witches would say
"Not tonight"

There were many nights like this.

Then one night the sea was almost calm with just a lot of small ripples.

They all ran naked into the sea, carrying the food and danced around.
When they came out, he was amazed to see that the raw food was cooked to perfection
and they all ate with relish. Then he realized that this wasn't a run of the mill group of witches
It was a microwave coven.



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Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill.

Just before morning tea Pat yelled:
"Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick.
"And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...
.. Darn! There goes another one!"



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At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their COVID shots
prior to going overseas.

One lad, having received a series of injections including flu and pneumonia jabs
asked for a glass of water.

"What's the matter, mate?"
asked the sick-bay attendant.
"Not feeling well?"

"No, just checking to see if I'm still watertight".


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So Cinderella went to the ball.

She took some photos Obviously this was well before digital photos
and she sent her roll of film away to be developed.

Every day she saw the postman walk by,
she would bury her head in her hands and sigh

"One day my prints will come".



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There is a new study just released by the
American Psychiatric Association about how women
feel about their asses.

The re­sults are pretty interesting:

1. Eighty-five percent of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. Ten percent of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 5% say they don't care, they love him anyway.
He's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.