Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

So, I'm straining on the toilet, pushing as hard as I can and then
with a colossal *POP* it goes dark.
My wife shouted "Darling, are you alright? We've had a power cut!"
I replied: "Thank God for that, I thought my eyes had exploded!"


**********



I saw a girl singing today.

She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs, emphasized
by the short skirt she was wearing.

"Any requests?" she asked the watching crowd.

"Your thong" I replied with a wink.

Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.
It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.



**********



Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly.
So the morgue needed someone to identify the body.
His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Seamus said
"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".

So the mortician rolled him over.

Seamus looked and said
"Nope, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician thought that was rather strange and
then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said,
"Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said,
"No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked,
"How can you tell?"

Sean said,
"Well, Paddy had two arse'oles."

"What? He had two arse'oles?"
asked the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes.
Every time we went into town, folks would say,

'Here comes Paddy with them two arse'oles....'"