Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Three Paddies find a leprechaun, who brings them to the top of his rainbow.

“Slide down the rainbow, and shout out something, and
you’ll find it at the bottom,” he says to them.

Paddy the Englishman slides down and shouts GOLD!
and he lands in a huge pot of gold.

Paddy the Scotsman slides down and shouts SILVER!
and he lands in a huge pot of silver.

Now, Paddy the Irishman hadn’t been listening too well,
and so he got on the rainbow, began sliding,
and shouted, “WEEEEEEEE!”


**********


Paddy got a job as a lumberjack but try as he might,
he couldn’t meet his quota of fifty trees a day.

By chance, he saw an ad in a shop window for chainsaws
guaranteed to fell 60 trees a day.

So he bought one.
But the best he could manage was forty trees a day.

So he took it back to the shop and complained that there
must be something wrong with it.

“Let me look at it,”
said the man in the shop.

The man took the chainsaw and switched it on and pulled the starter cord. 
'Brrrrrrrrrr'

“What’s that noise?”
said Paddy.


**********


Paddy rode his bike to the liquor to get some whiskey.

After choosing a bottle, he walked out to his bike.

He was just about to put the bottle in the basket on his
bike for the ride home, but then he thought if it falls off, it might break.

So he drank it first…
which turned out to be an excellent decision
because he fell off seven times on the way home.


**********



Paddy was at the airport and was stopped by customs.

Customs:
"What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders?"

Paddy:
"Oh just a lot of mobile phones."

Customs:
"So why so many mobile phones?"

Paddy:
Well on my travels I had a call from my mate Mick,
He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band,
and could I bring him back two Saxophones.


**********


Paddy and Mick were out walking.

Paddy:
"Look at that flock of cows!"

Mick:
"Herd of cows you daft b@stard!"

Paddy:
"Course I've heard of cows,
there's a friggin' flock of them over there.


**********



Our workmate Paddy died last week,
so we had a special headstone made for him.

PADDY O'SPARKS.

Amateur Electrician.
Green To Earth.
Brown To Live.
Blue To Frikkin' Bits.

REST IN PIECES...




**********


I was happily watching The Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra last night,
when suddenly, the guy on the triangle disappeared!


**********


A businessman staying at the Ritz hotel in London takes a card,
offering sexual services from a phone box.

Back at the hotel he rings the number.
A lady with a silky soft voice asks if she can be of any help.

The man says
"I'd like some mild bondage, some oral and then some straight sex.
Is that okay?"

The lady replies
"Sounds fun sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line first"