06-28-2020, 04:53 PM
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, “What’s your favourite type of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
*****
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
*****
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
*****
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies.
The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
*****
Mitchy had a problem with body odour,
so he went to see his doctor.
“Do you wash?” the doctor asked him.
“Of course,” Mitchy replied. “Every single morning I begin
at my head and wash down as far as possible.
Then, I begin at my feet and wash up as far as possible.”
“Well,” the doctor told him,
“I suggest you go home and wash possible.”
*****
After two months on the job, the new employee
believes he deserves a fat raise.
“And how much of a raise do you want?” asks his boss.
“I’m thinking an extra $50,000 a year,” says the employee.
The boss nods. “Sounds about right. And what would you
say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, and
a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The employee sits up straight.
“Wow!” he says. “Are you kidding?”
“Yes, but you started it.”
*****
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares,
“Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years,
but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair!
The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head.
“Not again…”
*****
As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception,
my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand,
leaned in, and said,
“You are better looking than half the women here.”
(And That's when the fight started)
*****
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go
for our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
(And That's when the fight started)
*****
On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband,
“I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace.
What do you think it means?”
“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package
and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper
and found a book titled
The Meaning of Dreams.
(And That's when the fight started)
One asks, “What’s your favourite type of music?”
The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
*****
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
*****
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
*****
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies.
The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
*****
Mitchy had a problem with body odour,
so he went to see his doctor.
“Do you wash?” the doctor asked him.
“Of course,” Mitchy replied. “Every single morning I begin
at my head and wash down as far as possible.
Then, I begin at my feet and wash up as far as possible.”
“Well,” the doctor told him,
“I suggest you go home and wash possible.”
*****
After two months on the job, the new employee
believes he deserves a fat raise.
“And how much of a raise do you want?” asks his boss.
“I’m thinking an extra $50,000 a year,” says the employee.
The boss nods. “Sounds about right. And what would you
say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, and
a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The employee sits up straight.
“Wow!” he says. “Are you kidding?”
“Yes, but you started it.”
*****
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares,
“Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years,
but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair!
The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head.
“Not again…”
*****
As the music swelled during a recent wedding reception,
my hopelessly romantic husband squeezed my hand,
leaned in, and said,
“You are better looking than half the women here.”
(And That's when the fight started)
*****
I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go
for our anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
I told her, “How about the kitchen?”
(And That's when the fight started)
*****
On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband,
“I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace.
What do you think it means?”
“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package
and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper
and found a book titled
The Meaning of Dreams.
(And That's when the fight started)
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit