Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
*****
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
*****
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
*****
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey…....
and a cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”
*****
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
*****
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
*****
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
*****
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
*****
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
*****
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
*****
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
*****
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
*****
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
*****
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
*****
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.
*****
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1Forrest1.
*****
On the first night of their honeymoon,
the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his
stinky feet and smelly socks,
while the wife is wondering how to break the news
to him about her awful breath, which so far,
she’s been able to cover up.
After some soul-searching, the husband gathers
his nerve and says,
“I have a confession.”
She draws closer,
peers into his eyes, and says,
“Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says,
“Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”
(and that when the fight started)
******
I was at this wedding, and I said to the bloke next to me
"Ruddy hell, that bride is ugly".
"Do you mind? That's my daughter!" came the reply.
I said "I'm sorry,
I didn't realise you were her father".
"I'm not, I'm her mother".
(and that when the fight started)
Because every play has a cast.
*****
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
*****
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
*****
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey…....
and a cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.
The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”
*****
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
*****
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
*****
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
*****
What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly-squats.
*****
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.
*****
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”
*****
What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?
Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
*****
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
*****
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
*****
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
*****
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles.
He kept leaving little messages around the house.
*****
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
1Forrest1.
*****
On the first night of their honeymoon,
the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his
stinky feet and smelly socks,
while the wife is wondering how to break the news
to him about her awful breath, which so far,
she’s been able to cover up.
After some soul-searching, the husband gathers
his nerve and says,
“I have a confession.”
She draws closer,
peers into his eyes, and says,
“Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says,
“Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”
(and that when the fight started)
******
I was at this wedding, and I said to the bloke next to me
"Ruddy hell, that bride is ugly".
"Do you mind? That's my daughter!" came the reply.
I said "I'm sorry,
I didn't realise you were her father".
"I'm not, I'm her mother".
(and that when the fight started)
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit