Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Chad Prather - Take Six Feet and Shove It






Chad Prather - 2019 was the SH*T!


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An Australian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe
when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Australian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless, started up a conversation.
The American snapped his gum and said,
“You Australian folk eat the whole bread?”

The Australian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied,
“Of course.”

The American blew a huge bubble.
“We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside.
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them,
transform them into croissants and sell them to Australia.”

The American had a smirk on his face.
The Australian listened in silence.

The American persisted. “Do you eat jam with the bread?”

Sighing, the Australian replied, “Of course.”

Cracking his gum between his teeth, the American said,
“We don’t. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast,
then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers,
recycle them, transform them into jam and sell it to Australia.”

The Australian then asked, “Do you have sex in the States?”

The American smiled and said, “Why of course we do.”

The Australian leaned closer to him and asked, “And what do
you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”

“We throw them away, of course.”

Now it was the Australian’s turn to smile.
“We don’t. In Australia we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum
and sell them to the United States.”

Why do you think it’s called Wrigley’s


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A preacher on his deathbed summoned his doctor and his lawyer.

They came, and he asked them to sit on either side of his bed and hold his hands.

They sat thus for a long while until the doctor stirred and said,
”You don’t have long on this earth, Reverend. Better tell us why
you asked us to come.”

The old preacher stirred himself wheezed and said
”Well, Jesus died between two thieves, and
that’s the way I want to go too.”


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I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper,
and a guy comes over and asks ‘Are you reading that?'

I didn’t know what to say.

So I said yes.
I stood up,
turned the page,
and sat down again.


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St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight.
It reaches the green.

Jesus is up next.

He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street.
Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter,
down the drain spout and onto a Lilly pad at the edge of a lake.
A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in his mouth.
An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green,
the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole.

Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated. 'Are you gonna play golf?'
he asks 'Or are you just gonna fool around?'


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Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
George Burns