Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Roses...
That is the beautiful truth ...

I accidentally gave my girlfriend super glue instead of lip balm,
now she won't talk to me

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During a flight an experienced Marine Pilot was seated next to a young mother
with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing,
the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice, and, upon disembarking, he gallantly
offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude,

The Pilot responded "That's a good-looking baby and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
that the time spent on the breast would help
alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true Pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum".


*******************************************

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies "A minute".

Smith asks "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies "A penny".

Smith asks "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies "In a minute".

*******************************************

Sherry, the gorgeous blonde secretary, walked into her boss's office and said,
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you".

"Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained.
"Tell me some good news for once!"

"Alright, here's some good news" said the secretary
"You're not sterile".