Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

Love those Roses, just love em

An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 

"Before tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, 

that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.

I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, 

Cowboy.... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 

"No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times...


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One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, 

the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000. 

It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. 

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.

"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate" he stated. 

"Why yes" she replied "every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church".

The pastor replied "That's wonderful. But $1000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this? How much does he send you?" 

The elderly woman answered "$10,000 a week".

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?" 

"He is a veterinarian" she answered".

"That's an honourable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money" the pastor said. 

"Where does he practice?"

The woman answered proudly "In Nevada.... he has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno".

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An Australian, an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scot are captured by the Iraqis.
The Iraq troop leader says "We're going to shoot you, but we will give you one last request".

He says to the Welshman "What's your last request?"

The Welshman says "I want a thousand Welshman singing 'Land of my Fathers'".

"What about you?" he says to the Scotsman.

"I want a thousand Scots pipers piping Scotland the brave" says the Scot.

"What's your last request?" he says to the Irishman.

"I want a thousand Irishman doing the Riverdance" says Paddy.

Turning to the Australian, he says "And your last request?"

The Aussie says "For God's sake mate, shoot me first!"