12-19-2018, 12:10 PM
The Doctor said: "The good news is I can cure your headaches...The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve."
Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.
As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "You could use new shoes."
Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure."
The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E."
Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.
As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."
The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."
Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The tailor shook his head.
"You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.
******************************************************
As I was getting in bed, she said "You're drunk".
I said "How do you know?"
She said "You live next door..."
*************************************************
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City".
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom".
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years".
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom".
"Just a minute" says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results" says Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed".
****************************************************************
There were once three Chinese brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu.
One day they decided to stowaway on a ship bound for America to live a better life.
On the way there, Bu said to his brothers "We should change our names to something that sounds more American, or else we will be caught and sent back to China!"
So when they got to America Bu changed his name to Buck.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
And Fu...
Well he got sent back to China.
********************************************************
A trucker's wife sees 3 parrots for sale. $150, $100 and $10.
She asks the pet store owner why the last parrot was so cheap.
The pet store owner said that it used to live in a bordello.
The woman laughs and she buys it.
When she gets home, the parrot says "Wow! A new bordello!"
The woman laughs.
When her 2 daughters come home, the parrot says "Wow! 2 new gals!"
They all laugh.
When the husband walks through the door, the parrot says "Joe, you found the new bordello!"
And that's how the fight started!
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit."
The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, "Let's see, you're a size 44 long."
Joe laughed and said, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
"Let's see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve."
Joe was surprised. "How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." The shirt fit perfectly.
As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, "You could use new shoes."
Since Joe was on a roll, he said, "Sure."
The man eyed Joe's feet and said, "9-1/2E."
Joe was astonished. "That's right. How did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.
As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, "How about new underwear?"
Joe thought for a second and said, "Why not."
The man stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36."
Joe laughed. "Finally I've got you! I've worn size 32 since I was 18 years old."
The tailor shook his head.
"You can't wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.
******************************************************
As I was getting in bed, she said "You're drunk".
I said "How do you know?"
She said "You live next door..."
*************************************************
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City".
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom".
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years".
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom".
"Just a minute" says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"
"Up here, we work by results" says Saint Peter.
"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed".
****************************************************************
There were once three Chinese brothers named Bu, Chu and Fu.
One day they decided to stowaway on a ship bound for America to live a better life.
On the way there, Bu said to his brothers "We should change our names to something that sounds more American, or else we will be caught and sent back to China!"
So when they got to America Bu changed his name to Buck.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
And Fu...
Well he got sent back to China.
********************************************************
A trucker's wife sees 3 parrots for sale. $150, $100 and $10.
She asks the pet store owner why the last parrot was so cheap.
The pet store owner said that it used to live in a bordello.
The woman laughs and she buys it.
When she gets home, the parrot says "Wow! A new bordello!"
The woman laughs.
When her 2 daughters come home, the parrot says "Wow! 2 new gals!"
They all laugh.
When the husband walks through the door, the parrot says "Joe, you found the new bordello!"
And that's how the fight started!
Semper Fidelis
![[Image: SyAa0qj.png]](https://i.imgur.com/SyAa0qj.png)
USMC
USMC
Nemo me impune lacessit