09-08-2018, 09:22 AM
To be honest I have fallen off the wagon again. It hasn't been as severe as last time (I don't remember 2013 happening at all), but I can see it coming to an end badly. At the moment I am only taking at night time because a couple of weeks back my work bestie asked me if I was drunk. I can't risk losing my job, but I'm popping a pill the moment I'm on the train home.
TBH I am scared about whatever happens either way: the physical withdrawals (I've had seizures from withdrawals in the past) or once again hitting rock bottom, cleaning up and spending 3 years getting my life back on track. My dream is to create a taper plan, stock up on exactly enough and stick to it perfectly, but I know myself too well to even pretend that's going to work.
I have never told anybody, never once, that I have a problem. The ultimate irony is that I get anxious and panic any time I pick up the phone to call a counsellor.
TBH I am scared about whatever happens either way: the physical withdrawals (I've had seizures from withdrawals in the past) or once again hitting rock bottom, cleaning up and spending 3 years getting my life back on track. My dream is to create a taper plan, stock up on exactly enough and stick to it perfectly, but I know myself too well to even pretend that's going to work.
I have never told anybody, never once, that I have a problem. The ultimate irony is that I get anxious and panic any time I pick up the phone to call a counsellor.