Humorous Smilies

[IceWizard]

O that Little Johnny...

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.

His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.

"That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor.

She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?
 
 

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Seeing Eye Dogs

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll.

One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua .

As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman Said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't
go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"

The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that
convincing him that a Chihuahua was a
seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult,
but thought,"What the heck," so she put on
her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The woman with the Chihuahua said, ........

"A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f*%$ing
Chihuahua ?!"

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A West Virginia Hillbilly

A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks.

He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was
confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.

The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?”

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license.

The warden then reached over and picked up
the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said,"This
ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s
from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’
license?”

Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and
brought out a Virginia. hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at
this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just
where the hell are you from?"

The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”