Humorous Smilies - Printable Version

Little Red Wagon

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station,
when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little
red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.

The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,'
the firefighter said with admiration.

'Thanks,'
the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar
and to the cat's testicles.

'Little partner,' the firefighter said,
'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig,
but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar,
I think you could go faster. '

The little girl replied thoughtfully,
'You're probably right,
but then I wouldn't have a siren.

*********************************************

An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads
for the docks once more, for old times sake.

He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age,
but needing some reassurance, he asks,
'How am I doing ?'

The prostitute replies,
'Well, old sailor, you're doing about three knots.'

'Three knots'? He asks.
'What's that supposed to mean ?'

She says,
"You're knot hard, you're knot in,
and your knot getting your money back.

**********************************

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
the desk....

The Receptionist said,
"Yes sir, what are you seeing the
Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my d*ck",
he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said,
"You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not?
You asked me what was wrong and I told you,"
he said.

The Receptionist replied;
"Now you've caused some embarrassment in
this room full of people. You should have said there is something
wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further
with the Doctor in private."

The man replied,
"You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.

The man walked out,
waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"

"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled,
knowing he had taken her advice.

"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

"I can't pi$$ out of it," he replied.