I told my daughter,
“Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.”

Puzzled, she asked,
“What’s that got to do with anything?”

I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
"It’s pasture bedtime!”

*****

A Neutron walks into a bar and
asks the bartender for the price of a drink.

The bartender responds:
"For you, no charge"


*****

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID
none of his other products are able to
release new versions this frequently

*****

My wife asked me,
“Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie...
Then dropped her off at her parents’ house.


*****

Whenever my wife starts singing, I
go outside so that my neighbors
don't think that I'm hitting her.

*****

I asked these people how to write 509
in Roman numerals but they won't tell me.

What a bunch of DIX


*****

I desperately needed a massive shlt on the
train today but the toilet was out of order.

So, I just held it for 20 minutes.

The woman opposite me stared at me in disgust and said,
"Is that shlt in your hand?"


*****


"Honey, be careful while driving on the highway"

I told my wife on call...

"The news says that a there's a person speeding
on the wrong side of the highway"

"One person!?"
She replied, incredulously,
"These idiots are in hundreds"

It snowed last night

8.00am I made a snowman

8.10am A feminist passed by and
asked why I didn't make a snowwoman

8.15am So I made a snow woman

8.17am My feminist neighbor complained about the
snow woman's voluptuous chest,
saying it objectified snow women everywhere

8.20am The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and
moaned it could have been two snow men instead

8.22am The transgender man....women.....person asked why I
didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts

8.25am The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose,
as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8.28am I was being called a racist because the snow couple was white

8.30am The middle eastern gent across the road demanded
the snow woman be covered up

8.40am The police arrived saying someone had been offended

8.42am The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the
snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role

8.43am The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction

8.45am TV crews from the BBC showed up.
I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?.
I replied " snowballs" and am now a sexist.

9.00am I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophone,
sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9.10am I was asked if I have any accomplices.
My children were taken away by social services.

9.20am Far left protesters offended by everything marched
down the road demanding for my arrest.

By noon all the snow had melted.


Moral

There is no moral to this story,
It is what this country has become,
all because of snowflakes.

I got this from one of Canadian buddies