2020 Staff Christmas Party

01. What do you get if you lie under a cow?
A pat on the head

02. Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.

03. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
They were two deer

04. What did the stamp say to the envelope?
Stick with me and we'll go places

05. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles

06. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsillitis

07. What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.

08. What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf?
You are so last season

09. What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper

10. What is the best Christmas present?
A broken drum, you can't beat it

Texans are used to being the brunt of all sorts of jokes, whether about
our accents, obsession with football, weird weather, or our unabashed pride
in our state. We love Texas and couldn’t imagine a better place to live.
Luckily, most of us have a good sense of humor and can take the heat,
so if that sounds like you, you’ll love these 10 jokes about Texas!

Funny Dogs & Cats Talking






Ultimate Dog Tease






Talking Dog Neutered!!!






Blind Double Date F@rt Commercial






Keep F@rts Funny



*************************************

U.S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans rowing towards Texas.
The Captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts:

“Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts,
"Gringo, we are invading the United States of America to reclaim
the territory taken by the USA during the 1800's."

The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter.

When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the
loud-hailer and asks,
"Just the four of you?"

The same Mexican stands up again and shouts,
"No, we’re the last 4.
The other 20 million are already there.”


************************************

The Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT)
found over 200 dead crows on Highway 281 this past week, and
there was concern that they may have died from the Coronavirus.


A veterinary epidemiologist examined the remains of all the crows, and,
to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Coronavirus (COVID-19).

The cause of death was actually from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis
it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been
killed by impact with motorcycles, while only 2% were killed by cars.

TxDOT then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause
for the disproportionate percentages of motorcycle kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill,
they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah",
not a single one could shout "bike"!!!