Sherry, the gorgeous blonde secretary, walked into her boss's office and said,
"I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you".

"Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained.
"Tell me some good news for once!"

"Alright, here's some good news" said the secretary
"You're not sterile".


********************************************


A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
The man watched the game in astonishment for a while.

"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he said. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen".

"He's not so smart" the friend replied.
"I've beaten him three games out of five".


********************************************

"I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that
they have to be identified by their dental records.

What I can't understand is,,,,
If they don't know who you are,
how do they know who your dentist is?"


********************************************


A student comes to a young professor's office out of hours.
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam" she says.
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean" she whispers "I would do anything..."

He returns her gaze "Anything?"

"Anything".

His voice softens "Anything?"

"Anything" she repeats again.

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you ... study?"


********************************************

What do you call a fly with no wings.?

A walk .


********************************************

What do you give an invisible cat to drink?

Evaporated milk .

********************************************

A teacher was reprimanding a teenager in the hall.

"Do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"

"Like" the young teen replied "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like
think like that's really important, ya know, like because I'm ya know,
like I don't like get anything out of it".

"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.

Neighbors fight outside their driveway



John Wayne is sick of your sh*t

I just about lost my mind (I know, small loss)

I went to the store and wouldn't you know it, I saw this guy
with a basket packed full of Toilet paper, baby wipes, hand sanitizer, even dryer sheets!
Everything people need in this awful time!

I couldn't control myself and just lit into him.

"You are so damn selfish!" I said in a loud voice, "The nerve of you, you
couldn't care less about
all those poor folks that really need these supplies! Think about our elderly
family members, our small children
and even those that are infirm and could use a few things to make their lives
a little less hard right now! So what the hell is your problem that YOU think
that YOU are so much more important than anyone else?!?!"

He just looked at me and said.

"Are you quite finished?
Cause I really need to keep restocking these shelves."

Man did I feel bad