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Humorous Smilies - Printable Version

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RE: Humorous Smilies - Charon - 01-10-2019

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

RE: Humorous Smilies - Charon - 01-10-2019

   

   

   

RE: Humorous Smilies - willie33 - 01-10-2019

Thanks for the laughs, everyone!   Big Grin


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RE: Humorous Smilies - willie33 - 01-10-2019

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RE: Humorous Smilies - willie33 - 01-10-2019

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RE: Humorous Smilies - IceWizard - 01-11-2019

Follow the Directions!

My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours"

and he abbreviated"right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache,

and his little bottom was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

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A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way?

What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in
the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.

Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!'

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling,
'You stay out of this..I'm talking to that little sh*t on your lap!'

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The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director" she answered. "Interesting" the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now -in her 80's- a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go".


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"When I were a lad, Momma would send me down to t'corner store wi' a dollar,

and I'd come back wi' five pounds o' potatoes,

two loaves o' bread, three pints o' milk,

a pound o' cheese, a packet o' tea,

an' 'alf a dozen eggs.

Yer can't do that now.

Too many damm security cameras."


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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a isolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

RE: Humorous Smilies - Roses - 01-11-2019

I love the jokes Ice, keep them coming Smile [Image: 96fbccf598dc1aca3d113864fa3a387b.jpg]
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RE: Humorous Smilies - Charon - 01-11-2019

Good day all u Humorous Smilies lovers. Feel well.

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

RE: Humorous Smilies - Roses - 01-12-2019

Hi Charon Smile [Image: 78b758b194075d1288b25f738875e193.jpg]
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RE: Humorous Smilies - Charon - 01-12-2019